Loss of a loved one

Loss of a loved one is never easy, but the loss of a loved one that you aren't sure was a christian is even harder. This week has been extremely difficult for me. My Aunt Susan passed away earlier this week. She had a brain tumor (stage 4) last year that was removed. She was told that the prognosis was not good, but if it came back, it would definitely take her. It came back a month or two ago. They told her that she would not be able to have surgery again, and that it would take her in time. I called her immediately. My aunt and uncle rarely answer their phone. My uncle doesn't even know how to use a cell phone! They rarely even check their voicemail. So when I called, I was expecting to get voicemail, but I wanted to call and tell her how much I loved her and how much I was thinking of her. She actually answered the phone...holy cow! I was able to speak to her for about 30 minutes, and we caught up on life. She was having a good day, and I know that she knew exactly what I was saying. I told her how much I truly loved her. That is what I hold on to now. Did I ask her if she believed in God? If she believed that Jesus died on the cross to save her sins? NO...I don't know why, but I didn't. As our pastor spoke in church this morning about how people were going to hell, I just sat there as tears ran down my cheeks. Why? Why did I tell her I loved her, but I never asked her if I was going to be spending eternity in heaven with her? I will never know. I will never know if she is in heaven or hell until I get there. What a hard guilty feeling that is. Aunt Susan, if you are in heaven, I can't wait to see you. You were my favorite aunt. I remember when I was in college, and you and Uncle Art got divorced. I wrote you a note and called you to tell you that I wanted you in the divorce. I was so happy when you remarried. You were a remarkable lady to deal with the crap that you dealt with. You loving and peaceful spirit always gave me warm fuzzies. I hope you know how special you were to me. I pray that you are in heaven with Grandaddy, Papaw, Grandmommy, and Deedee, and most importantly, that you are with our loving father. I thank God that you are no longer in pain. I've probably cried more over you than I have any of the people that have left this earth, because I just don't know. So now...I'm going to get over my guilt and start sharing even more. I met a little girl at the pool this week that is fighting leukemia. One of my first questions to her mom was, "Do you believe in God?" Your life has changed mine once again <3 you always, Angie