So helpless at Times

There are times that I feel so helpless...being a step parent will do that to you.

I have laid my heart out. I have tried to help. I have been honest in every way. I've given everything I can.
But, I'm not the mom.

I've been hurt by putting my feelings out there. I've tried to help, but I'm just in the way. I haven't gotten much honesty back. I'm lied to. I'm treated like crap. I've been stepped on and told to get out of the way. And that's just from being a step mom.

I've been called names. I've been told to leave. I've been told I'm nothing. I've been talked about. I've been lied about. I've been things that I can't even put into words...and that's from being an ex-wife.

Do I stop? NO. Why? Because I am a mom. I can't stop loving someone just because they don't love me. I can't stop helping, because I'm a mom. I am however at the edge of being everything I can be, because I'm beaten and broken down. I'm tired and am hurting. I've cried so many tears. I've prayed so many prayers. When God? When am I going to feel like I'm doing good? When am I going to stop hurting? What do I do?

How do you help someone who doesn't want help? How do you love someone that doesn't want to be loved? At what point do I stop being the carpet? When will I see the light?

I know, I know...in your timing. I know worse has happened to you. I know you've heard my prayers. I know you feel my pain. I know we are called to love the unlovable and help the hurting. We've been called to raise our children in the way they should go. But where do I stand in this? I know I"m not supposed to be a rug. 70 x 7 huh? I think we may be pushing the edge here Mr.! I have no more cheeks to turn. I'm getting pretty purple. So many thoughts....