Butterflies

Going through old notes, and posting the ones that I hold especially dear to my heart. I wrote this Summer of 2009...

Do you appreciate those butterflies?

As most of you know, I went to Dallas this past week to visit my family. I stayed with my parents and my cousin, Paul, that I have not seen since my grandfather’s funeral (Feb 2001), my sister and her family before their 3 year trip to Japan, and my cousin that recently lost his wife. We left of Tuesday morning to come back, and my husband took 3 of the kids and the dog in the van, while I got the quiet, sleepy, and beautiful Alexa riding in the other car! Talk about appreciation right there! As I drove the long drive back to Houston, I started to think about how much I have to appreciate. Yeah, everyone says that sometimes, but REALLY….let me count thy ways!

For me to really be able to explain all of this, I need to go back a little. In 2002, I married the best man ever that adopted my daughter from a previous marriage. As soon as we got married, we got pregnant with Wylie…10 week old-2 pound-preemie baby. We lost our business shortly after, and right as Terry started his new job, we found out I was pregnant with Maggie. Scared to death, because we were told, “You and this baby are most likely not going to make it!” after I had such a terrible pregnancy with Wylie. God had lead us through so many deserts of life, and then we were hit with the biggest challenge we would ever hit.

In Oct 2006, I went in to have my thyroid removed. It was supposed to be a fairly easy surgery with an easy recovery! No problems, right? Wrong, The doctor messed some things up, a nurse forgot to take a blood level, and I ended up in the ICU for several weeks. I was very sick! I couldn’t walk, talk, or handle daily tasks, because I had problem after problem resulting from my surgery. At one point, I was taking like 60 pills a day prescribed by my doctor for all of the complications(muscle relaxers, vicodin, lorazapam, antidepressants, sleeping pills, major doses of calcium, vitamin D, narcolepsy meds…you name it!). I was told by every doctor I went to that they didn’t know what to do with me or how to fix me. My problems just got worse and worse. I prayed every minute of every day that God heal me! Give these doctors a clue! Help me fix this! I know He was with me every minute of every day, but I just couldn’t see clear as to what, why, when, …I had always been the happiest person in the room, but I saw no hope in life during the following months. I couldn’t see the sun because of the clouds….

On July 31, 2007 I gave up. I was ready to go home to sit in God’s lap! My children were away visiting my parents, my husband left for work, and I swallowed every pill I had (about 500 at the time) and laid down in my garage wrapped in a blanket, and said, “Come and get me…I’m ready!” WELL, He wasn’t ready for me ;0). My husband found me that evening, and I spent the next I don’t know how many days/weeks in a coma. Not knowing if I was going to wake or what I was going to be like if I did wake up, my friends and husband sold most everything that was in my house…everything!!!! I came home in the end of August to a 10X10 storage unit consisting of a bed, my grandmother’s china, and a few misc other things. All my worldly possessions gone! On top of that, my children were in Dallas, and no one would tell me when they could come home. During my hospital stay, the doctor’s were able to mostly “fix” me.

This story to say,
I drove home with the radio off while Alexa slept soundly thinking about how my life has changed in 2 years. So I started counting the ways..

1. I have a husband that is my best friend. He takes care of me, loves me when I’m unlovable, While in Dallas, I had dinner with my cousin who lost his wife of one year this past Feb. She died suddenly at a very young age. I saw the fresh pain of loosing a spouse…what I almost did to my husband voluntarily. He’s doing good…btw.
2. I have 3 ½ (lol) children that God has blessed my every day with…when you are away from them for 4-5 months, you realize that even the worst of days are the best! I get pregnant just LOOKing at my husband, while so many of my friends struggle to get pregnant or have children or are going through adoption.
3. I have a much better relationship with my family. I hadn’t ever felt like I really fit in, but I know and feel how much my parents love me now. Even my sister is one of my best friends! TO think of her being in Japan for 3 years made me bawl like a baby!
4. I have a home…something I didn’t have for several months, because we lived in a hotel while the kids were in Dallas. We moved into our house that we live in now November 07 with a bed, vacuum, and plates! Lol I even have a kitchen table to eat at now ;0)
5. I have found my cousin after living so long thinking he was not even alive. I saw God’s hand work in so many ways bringing him home and back together with his mom and dad and getting to hug his neck.
6. I have my health. I have little to no problems with all my blood levels (most of the time). There are still occasional days that I hurt like the dickens or feel like I have the flu, but they are few and far between! When they come, I know there is an end to the pain…it can be fixed!
7. I have a car that’s paid for…lol We lost our car during the hurricane last year, and we were able to buy a car with cash in February of this year! No car payment!
8. I have a faith in God that is beyond what words can say! He has brought me through hell to discover what “heaven” I do have on this earth, and He is going to bring me home when HE is good and ready! Nothing “of this world” will ever matter like it did before!
9. I have the best friends in the world. I lost all but a handful of friends during my recovery. You find out who your REAL friends are when things get tough! We have since been blessed with so many incredible friends, and our children have made so many wonderful friends as well!
10. I have a life! I am here! God must have some big plans for me, because from my last 2 pregnancies, to my surgery, to that day in July I have seen my life flash before my eyes so many times!
11. I react to things differently than I ever did before. I used to cry all the time(happy, sad, angry, commercials..you name it!). I don’t cry that much anymore, but I feel a joy and sense of peace that indescribable! I don’t get mad like I used to or hold grudges. I still laugh at pretty much everything! I make more messes with my children.

I appreciate so many things.
I cherish everything just a little bit more!
I realize that the sun should never go down on that anger, because tomorrow may never come.
Don’t worry about the little worries of life, but enjoy the big things in your life!
Tell more people about what God has done in your life, because too many people are lost in this world!
Never give up on God…cause He knows better than you do!


Get an umbrella for those rainy days, or just get out and dance in the rain….the rain is coming, so what are you going to do about it?

Appreciate those butterflies?

I heard a quote while I was in rehab that said, “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she woke up to be a beautiful butterfly!” My butterfly day has come and gone…my wings are spread, and I’m flying with my faith in HIM!

I don’t know how many people will read this far, or how many will really understand…but I just wanted to share my butterfly day with you!