October 20, 2009
The difference in a week.
I did a little experiment this week. I have struggled for almost 3 years with my thyroid. If you don't struggle with your thyroid...this may put it into perspective.
The first picture was taken one week ago in the morning (maroon colored shirt). My somewhat normal body weight or what is probably HIGH thyroid levels.
The second picture was taken tonight(red shirt) at what i know is LOW thyroid levels.
The third picture was taken when I was 9 months pregnant...well this one is just for comparison.
This is the difference between being "fat" and "swollen". This is what a crazy thyroid will do to your body.
Side note: I am so thankful that Ii have a husband that loves me no matter what I look like. I am so thankful that I learned a lesson from a friend long ago...they said, "I never noticed you had gained weight until you did" I am so thankful that I accepted then that I am who I am, and I AM beautiful no matter what my body may look like.
January 3
Well I went to the ER last night because I had a stabbing pain in my side. This is a new thing, because usually it hurts down lower. I have my sonogram scheduled for Tuesday with my gyno, and I have an appointment with a GI doctor on January 11. I just couldn't wait until Tuesday! I took my pictures, because I know this is all tied together, and the pictures say a lot.
They put in an IV line(standard thing), and did a pregnancy test(LOLOLOL UM NO!). They never asked for my medical history or my medication list...um a little concerned about that! The doctor came in and said that he wanted to do a catscan, because he thought that it was kidney stones. I knew it wasn't kidney stones. I've had stones before, and this was not the same feeling!
After my ct scan, they put me in a room to wait. We waited for over 2 hours. I told Terry that I thought they had probably forgotten about us! No one had come in at all! Right after that, the nurse came in to discharge us. Um, a little confusing since we had seen no one since I had my ct scan? We asked her if we were going to see the doctor again, and she informed us that he had left for the night. She was ready to discharge me with my IV still in and all! We told her that we wanted to see a doctor, because I wanted some answers. We were then informed that it would be a long wait...we were now at the end of the line! I told Terry that if someone didn't come in within the hour that I was leaving(and probably not quietly!). Not sure if the next lady was a doctor or nurse, but she read back my results....no abnormality on my CT scan(no blockages or cysts on my ovaries). My blood work came back ok. She said that stuff like uterine fibroids or stuff like that would not show on something like that though. They didn't know what it was. They gave me a shot of pain meds and sent me home. They also gave me a a prescription for muscle spasms in my colon as well...she said to try it...maybe it would work??? Random! GRRRR
The only good thing that came out of this was that I now have more blood results and CTscan results to take with me to my next appointment. Should get hormone levels back on Tuesday along with my sono.
My fear is not what is happening but that they will not figure out what is happening. Praying God gives these doctors the wisdom to know what it is. I am so thankful for all of the prayers. I know that God is growing us in ways that we can not see right now. He is using every step of the way for His good. Each time I wonder why me, I start to pray! If I'm praying, I can't be worrying! I can't imagine how people that do not believe in God face things like this...
Will keep updating...thanks again for the prayers.
They put in an IV line(standard thing), and did a pregnancy test(LOLOLOL UM NO!). They never asked for my medical history or my medication list...um a little concerned about that! The doctor came in and said that he wanted to do a catscan, because he thought that it was kidney stones. I knew it wasn't kidney stones. I've had stones before, and this was not the same feeling!
After my ct scan, they put me in a room to wait. We waited for over 2 hours. I told Terry that I thought they had probably forgotten about us! No one had come in at all! Right after that, the nurse came in to discharge us. Um, a little confusing since we had seen no one since I had my ct scan? We asked her if we were going to see the doctor again, and she informed us that he had left for the night. She was ready to discharge me with my IV still in and all! We told her that we wanted to see a doctor, because I wanted some answers. We were then informed that it would be a long wait...we were now at the end of the line! I told Terry that if someone didn't come in within the hour that I was leaving(and probably not quietly!). Not sure if the next lady was a doctor or nurse, but she read back my results....no abnormality on my CT scan(no blockages or cysts on my ovaries). My blood work came back ok. She said that stuff like uterine fibroids or stuff like that would not show on something like that though. They didn't know what it was. They gave me a shot of pain meds and sent me home. They also gave me a a prescription for muscle spasms in my colon as well...she said to try it...maybe it would work??? Random! GRRRR
The only good thing that came out of this was that I now have more blood results and CTscan results to take with me to my next appointment. Should get hormone levels back on Tuesday along with my sono.
My fear is not what is happening but that they will not figure out what is happening. Praying God gives these doctors the wisdom to know what it is. I am so thankful for all of the prayers. I know that God is growing us in ways that we can not see right now. He is using every step of the way for His good. Each time I wonder why me, I start to pray! If I'm praying, I can't be worrying! I can't imagine how people that do not believe in God face things like this...
Will keep updating...thanks again for the prayers.
January 5
Well the update is there is really no update. Sonogram, blood work, and biopsy all came back normal. The only possible answer is that there could have been an ovarian cyst that might have popped, and there could be pain lasting for up to 6 months...if that in fact that did happened. There is no way to tell if that happened though, but you can not diagnose after the fact. I'm disappointed because I just want this stupid pain to stop, and I want answers. The good news is I do not have any female problems that are present right now. They gave me an anti-inflammatory med to see if it helps the pain. The problem is that the main pain I'm facing is in my female area. I feel like I'm having labor pains all of the time. If there is no problem in that area, then how are they going to fix the pain? It's very hard to live in such pain EVERY day.
After a little emotional break down today, I am doing good. I really just want answers. I can face whatever comes my way, but I have a really hard time not knowing what to face. I know God is holding me in his arms right now. I know all I can do is run to him. I know He is teaching me great and wonderful things(I am not being sarcastic about this.) Through all things positive and negative that have happened in life, I have learned more about myself and more about how much I need God. I honestly do not know how people that do not believe in God face every day? If you know me, you know I have a positive outlook on everything in life, and I love to laugh more than anyone! I asked God "why?" today...Why me...why must I go through all of this crap(this is the 2nd time in life that I have faced a major medical disaster!). What have I not learned? Well...I know that I will see the light one day!
I'm going to the gastro doctor next week. Today, I'm just emotionally exhausted.
I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate all of your prayers! Please keep them coming!
I want to thank you all for the many laughs through this all...that is what keeps me going! Giggles. Please keep them coming, too!
I want to thank my husband for taking care of me and putting up with at times a very emotional and grumpy wife! Thank you for sticking by me and being my cheerleader and advocate! <3>
After a little emotional break down today, I am doing good. I really just want answers. I can face whatever comes my way, but I have a really hard time not knowing what to face. I know God is holding me in his arms right now. I know all I can do is run to him. I know He is teaching me great and wonderful things(I am not being sarcastic about this.) Through all things positive and negative that have happened in life, I have learned more about myself and more about how much I need God. I honestly do not know how people that do not believe in God face every day? If you know me, you know I have a positive outlook on everything in life, and I love to laugh more than anyone! I asked God "why?" today...Why me...why must I go through all of this crap(this is the 2nd time in life that I have faced a major medical disaster!). What have I not learned? Well...I know that I will see the light one day!
I'm going to the gastro doctor next week. Today, I'm just emotionally exhausted.
I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate all of your prayers! Please keep them coming!
I want to thank you all for the many laughs through this all...that is what keeps me going! Giggles. Please keep them coming, too!
I want to thank my husband for taking care of me and putting up with at times a very emotional and grumpy wife! Thank you for sticking by me and being my cheerleader and advocate! <3>
January 11, 2010
Went to the gastro doctor today. Scheduled endoscopy(video down the throat and stomach) and colonoscopy(video up the the other end!) on Wed. I have to clean out and skip all food tomorrow. I also have to skip one of my very important medicines...which scares the crud out of me. My body doesn't absorb calcium because of my lack of parathyroids. Calcium is very important for your muscles to keep them limber. If you don't have calcium, your muscles get crunchy. Have you ever had a charlie horse in your leg? Take that times 10 and then imagine it staying around all day all through your body...that is how I feel when my calcium is off. This is very scary for me, because it takes some time for it to be fixed. 2 days can throw this off for a week or two. I also have a cat scan (with the color) that I have to schedule this week as well(another fasting!). LOL...I kinda need all this fasting though, because I have gained 14 pounds this week...something I'm used to with the thyroid mess. My doctor told me that he didn't want to treat the symptoms of my problem right now until he knew what the problem is...The symptoms that I'm talking about here is the extreme pain that I am living with each day. It is growing worse and worse, and I have shed many a tear over this lately. The doctors don't care, because hey...I'm just another patient, and they get to go home at the end of the day. TO live in pain like this every day is quite a downer. I hate complaining, and I'm so tired of hearing myself say I really don't feel good. Yes, we have steps lined out for the next week, but I also have to live through this next week!
I am asking for more prayers. I'm at a point emotionally that I really don't like. I feel frustrated, exhausted, grouchy, discouraged, and just kind of lost. I know in my head what is right. I"m just having a day of feeling overwhelmed. ! I know Satan's really playing with my head. I feel like each moment is another prayer, because when I'm feeling bad, I stop and pray...I'm trusting him through this all, and I'm not sure why I"m struggling with the things I am right now. I feel like I"m loosing my sanity right now. It's so hard for me to say this to "the world", but I've documented my feelings through it all..why stop now, right? I look forward to one day looking back through all of my updates and seeing what all God has done that I have not seen. To see where he has worked that I haven't even been aware of right now.
My husband has been such an angel through this all. I feel sorry for him sometimes, because he is doing my job and his. I know we each have our days where the other one is giving more, but I feel like he's done more and more and I've done less and less!
I've given up before, and I'm not giving up now...it makes me want to work all the more to kick this thing in the butt!
My joke for the day is:
Wednesday I will no longer be full of crap! LOLOL
I really don't want anyone feeling sorry for me...just prayers please! And a joke here and then! Please feel free to make all the fun that you can with this...Im serious! LOL
I am asking for more prayers. I'm at a point emotionally that I really don't like. I feel frustrated, exhausted, grouchy, discouraged, and just kind of lost. I know in my head what is right. I"m just having a day of feeling overwhelmed. ! I know Satan's really playing with my head. I feel like each moment is another prayer, because when I'm feeling bad, I stop and pray...I'm trusting him through this all, and I'm not sure why I"m struggling with the things I am right now. I feel like I"m loosing my sanity right now. It's so hard for me to say this to "the world", but I've documented my feelings through it all..why stop now, right? I look forward to one day looking back through all of my updates and seeing what all God has done that I have not seen. To see where he has worked that I haven't even been aware of right now.
My husband has been such an angel through this all. I feel sorry for him sometimes, because he is doing my job and his. I know we each have our days where the other one is giving more, but I feel like he's done more and more and I've done less and less!
I've given up before, and I'm not giving up now...it makes me want to work all the more to kick this thing in the butt!
My joke for the day is:
Wednesday I will no longer be full of crap! LOLOL
I really don't want anyone feeling sorry for me...just prayers please! And a joke here and then! Please feel free to make all the fun that you can with this...Im serious! LOL
Update on Wed, January 13
Well what a fun day! Seriously, today has been the easiest round of doctor's visits I've had! Of course, I was asleep for most of it. And I have some gross pictures to show the kids! LOL
Well Johnny Tell us what we have here....(drum roll) Nothing, Yep you've got it nothing
I did have 4 polyps that they took for biopsy, but nothing looks about abnormal about them. He gave me a medicine to take out the bad bacteria. I have a hemorrhoid...hello, you should have seen what I had to do yesterday, and I had already predicted that. There was no blockage in my large intestine or colon The camera's can only go so far though.. Everything else looks fine.
Plan:
He wants me to try a lactose free diet(I guess he was pulling at straws?) and go for my catscan with contrast on Monday.
That is the short of it. The long of it is...
I feel like this is 2 years ago all over again. I feel like every time I go to the doctor there are no answers. The only difference now is they are still looking, and they are not stopping and just telling me to go home. THe other difference is that I'm not so doped up on pain medicine and other crap that I'm floating through this all. Instead I feel it every day. I feel horrible, and I'm in a huge amount of pain that no one(doctors) seems to be worrying about. NO, I don't want to be doped up beyond, but I'm also just tired of feeling the way I'm feeling. I'm thankful that nothing major has been found, please don't get me wrong. But "just another week" seems like an eternity for me. I'm thankful for all of the encouragement and prayers. I'm thankful for all of my cheerleaders. I'm thankful for the giggles, because they take my mind to a different place, and I forget about what's going on...I really don't know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. I feel like I'm being unappreciative some days because I get down and words can't bring me back. I feel like no one understands exactly what I'm going through(although I know many people do).
The other main difference is I KNOW there is an end to this piece of HELL I'm living in. I know that I'm not stopping until an answer is found. I'm not giving up on doctors or myself before something is found. I still have my eyes focused on God and all he is teaching me. I lost focus 2 years ago, and I will never loose that focus again! I also have a group of friends that are not just acquaintances. I have a home church that is my rock. I have a husband who's been down this road with me before. I have my parents.
I'm sorry for the late update, but today when I got home I just crawled in bed and went to sleep. I had to figure out what my plan was and pray, pray, pray!
Happiness is a choice, On doctor days, sometimes I do not choose happiness, but all other days, I choose giggles! I continue to see the positive and growth that I'm going through right now. Faith is a huge thing. I told my friend yesterday, "You can't worry about what is to come. Trust that He is with you. When you are worrying or hurting, you need to start praying. If you are praying you can't be hurting or worrying."
For those of you that are worried about my emotional state, I hope that I have given you peace that I'm in a brighter place than I used to be.
Well what a fun day! Seriously, today has been the easiest round of doctor's visits I've had! Of course, I was asleep for most of it. And I have some gross pictures to show the kids! LOL
Well Johnny Tell us what we have here....(drum roll) Nothing, Yep you've got it nothing
I did have 4 polyps that they took for biopsy, but nothing looks about abnormal about them. He gave me a medicine to take out the bad bacteria. I have a hemorrhoid...hello, you should have seen what I had to do yesterday, and I had already predicted that. There was no blockage in my large intestine or colon The camera's can only go so far though.. Everything else looks fine.
Plan:
He wants me to try a lactose free diet(I guess he was pulling at straws?) and go for my catscan with contrast on Monday.
That is the short of it. The long of it is...
I feel like this is 2 years ago all over again. I feel like every time I go to the doctor there are no answers. The only difference now is they are still looking, and they are not stopping and just telling me to go home. THe other difference is that I'm not so doped up on pain medicine and other crap that I'm floating through this all. Instead I feel it every day. I feel horrible, and I'm in a huge amount of pain that no one(doctors) seems to be worrying about. NO, I don't want to be doped up beyond, but I'm also just tired of feeling the way I'm feeling. I'm thankful that nothing major has been found, please don't get me wrong. But "just another week" seems like an eternity for me. I'm thankful for all of the encouragement and prayers. I'm thankful for all of my cheerleaders. I'm thankful for the giggles, because they take my mind to a different place, and I forget about what's going on...I really don't know how to describe what I'm feeling right now. I feel like I'm being unappreciative some days because I get down and words can't bring me back. I feel like no one understands exactly what I'm going through(although I know many people do).
The other main difference is I KNOW there is an end to this piece of HELL I'm living in. I know that I'm not stopping until an answer is found. I'm not giving up on doctors or myself before something is found. I still have my eyes focused on God and all he is teaching me. I lost focus 2 years ago, and I will never loose that focus again! I also have a group of friends that are not just acquaintances. I have a home church that is my rock. I have a husband who's been down this road with me before. I have my parents.
I'm sorry for the late update, but today when I got home I just crawled in bed and went to sleep. I had to figure out what my plan was and pray, pray, pray!
Happiness is a choice, On doctor days, sometimes I do not choose happiness, but all other days, I choose giggles! I continue to see the positive and growth that I'm going through right now. Faith is a huge thing. I told my friend yesterday, "You can't worry about what is to come. Trust that He is with you. When you are worrying or hurting, you need to start praying. If you are praying you can't be hurting or worrying."
For those of you that are worried about my emotional state, I hope that I have given you peace that I'm in a brighter place than I used to be.
January 18, 2010
Well...went for the ct scan today. I had to drink 3 bottles of contrast...the worst part of this journey yet! Yes, I would do a colonoscopy any day over that stuff! It was a very difficult morning for me. When I arrived at the check in, I started talking with the nurse at the desk. I was telling her what was going on and showed her the infamous pictures. She immediately asked if I'd been checked for endometriosis. I told her no, and she told me that a ct scan with contrast would show that...whew! She has struggled with it, and she told me that it looked very much like endometriosis. She was one of the nicest nurses I've meet so far :)
I went in for my scan, and I had some funny ladies in there. I asked the one nurse if I could see the pictures when I was done...I know she couldn't answer questions, but I knew that I could pry anyway! After it was done, she started showing me the pictures and telling me what I was looking at and for. She said with confidence that my kidneys looked great. She also told me what to look for in my colon pictures...looked great as well. Then she showed me my bladder and uterus. I said that that my uterus was bigger than I expected. She replied...um, yes it is BIG. I asked her if that could be from having 3 kids, and she said.."yes and no. It is BIG" From the feeling I got, that is where she saw a problem. Pure speculation, but by the way she said it, that was my feeling. I wave of peace washed over me. This is the first time that I've felt like there may be an answer, and it is exactly where I've felt the pain!!! I'm hoping not to get too excited, but then again, it feels so good just to feel like there is a possibility. The nurse told me to call my doctor tomorrow afternoon, and if he didn't have the results to call her back, and she would personally fax them over herself!
I was so down going in today, but I walked out with a smile and feeling of hope! I'm hoping that there are no more test with any kind of liquids involved! LOL
Even if this is not the answer, I felt like I had a renewing of mind today...seems to happen a lot on doctor days!
Thank you so much for everyone's words of encouragement. I can't tell you how much that it meant to me. I read them all as I was drinking #2 and #3 of the contrast...again YUCK!!!!
I went in for my scan, and I had some funny ladies in there. I asked the one nurse if I could see the pictures when I was done...I know she couldn't answer questions, but I knew that I could pry anyway! After it was done, she started showing me the pictures and telling me what I was looking at and for. She said with confidence that my kidneys looked great. She also told me what to look for in my colon pictures...looked great as well. Then she showed me my bladder and uterus. I said that that my uterus was bigger than I expected. She replied...um, yes it is BIG. I asked her if that could be from having 3 kids, and she said.."yes and no. It is BIG" From the feeling I got, that is where she saw a problem. Pure speculation, but by the way she said it, that was my feeling. I wave of peace washed over me. This is the first time that I've felt like there may be an answer, and it is exactly where I've felt the pain!!! I'm hoping not to get too excited, but then again, it feels so good just to feel like there is a possibility. The nurse told me to call my doctor tomorrow afternoon, and if he didn't have the results to call her back, and she would personally fax them over herself!
I was so down going in today, but I walked out with a smile and feeling of hope! I'm hoping that there are no more test with any kind of liquids involved! LOL
Even if this is not the answer, I felt like I had a renewing of mind today...seems to happen a lot on doctor days!
Thank you so much for everyone's words of encouragement. I can't tell you how much that it meant to me. I read them all as I was drinking #2 and #3 of the contrast...again YUCK!!!!
and so the story continues....
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