I guess it wasn't supposed to be...

This past week has been quite a week. I think I have cried more tears this week than i have in the past 4 years. Menopause maybe? Geesh, I don't know! Mad, sad, happy...there have just been lots of tears. I used to love to cry. I got my feelings out, and I was done. Maybe that's the way it still is, but I'm not sure. Thankful I can just blog it out sometimes!
Last night I sobbed. It was the "ugly cry" as Oprah calls it. We have been been paying payments on a friend's car. She wasn't using it, and she asked if we just wanted to take over payments since our last car died. We were like...sure! It worked for us. Our credit kind of stinks, and it seemed to be a perfect fit. There were weird things that have happened since we got the car though. A call here saying "well, I think you need to pay this as well" or "Can you send more money here?" Hello, we are already paying for the car! So about a month ago, Terry was hit from behind. Not a lot of damage from the outside. There was only a scrape. But we were told that there is a cushion on the inside of new cars that is very important. So, Terry calls the friend and tells them what has happened. For the next 3 weeks, Terry took 4-5 calls daily from them. Harassing him about this or that. We found out that we had to drive the car to Livingston, because they had to take it to a specific dealership. Terry had asked if we could take it Monday instead of Sunday, and we were told no. Terry said that he just didn't have a good feeling about this. I was like...oh it will be fine.
Now, let me add for a second that we have bent over backwards for this family. They have been going through a lot of custody issues and marriage problems. Their son was in an accident (heart attack and stroke at the age of 12) that has left him in a wheelchair and needing 24 hours of care. I have gone to court with her when I didn't have the money to drive down there or pay parking in downtown. I spent several nights at the hospital downtown with her, because I wanted to do so. I don't believe gifts should come with expectations, but consideration would be nice. I feel like I have everything that I could have done to support her. We have been friends for a very long time, and I feel like that's what friends do. They support each other no matter what the circumstances or when they arise.
SO, we drop the car off and for the next week, Terry tried to get a hold of them with no response. Oh wait, he did get one response from her husband, "Leave her alone...she has more important things to deal with". Ok really? And when do you want the check for this month's payment? I told Terry the right thing to do would be to send the check. If we were paying for the car, we would still have to send in a payment even if it was in the shop, right? So, Sunday I drove to put the check in the bank, and the bank was closed. Terry said he would do it first thing Monday morning. Monday morning came, and Terry locked the keys out of the car as he was trying to fix a flat tire on the van. I remembered that afternoon that he was supposed to put in the check, so I called him to ask him if he had done it. he said, "angie, I just don't feel right about this. I've prayed over it, and something is just not sitting with me right." I asked him if he wanted me to call her. He had told me up until this point that he wanted to take care of it so that a friendship was not ruined over a car. He finally gave in and said that I could call her about it. I called her, and I could tell that she was very uncomfortable talking to me about it. She said that her husband just wanted to keep this in between the men for the same reason that my husband had said. I was like..Listen, we just need to know if we need to get another car or not. I can tell that you are very uncomfortable talking to me about this, and I just want to know what is going on. She started to tell me that there were other things wrong with the car.
(I knew about some small dent that was in the door. It had been there since before we got the car. I knew about something under the car...Terry had explained that he had a blowout a few months ago and replaced the tire. He didn't think that he had hit anything, because he didn't feel it when he had the blow out. He has taken super good care of this car, because he was proud of it. He drives lots of miles a day, and he needs it for work. When we took possession of the car, he had the transmission serviced, because the shop told him that the oil was nasty. He had also had the windshield replaced, because it was cracked. He had the oil changed frequently, because he drives so many miles.)
So what else could be wrong? Well, she explained the dent and underneath the car. She said that the oil was 10,000 miles overdue(I knew that it wasn't). She explained that she would have had 2 tires replaced if the tire blew out. The tires all needed to be replaced now, and the inspection was due at the end of the month. Oh and then there's the liability of us driving the car. (we've had the car since last spring...why is this an issue now?) Oh and there's the insurance. They want us to start paying for their additional insurance as well as ours. And then they have decided it's not best for us just to take over payments, but they want us to take out an additional loan to just buy the car outright. And then there is the payment issue. Even though we've never been late on a payment, the payment is due at the end of the month, and we need to pay an additional month's payment so that her payment is not late (which meant to me that there had been several late payments before we got the car). This car was given to us as a gift to drive until we could get another car. We didn't ask for it...it was given to us! We decided afterwards that since they weren't driving the car that we could just take over payments to buy it instead...which was THEIR idea.
Terry walked in from work at the end of this conversation, so I went in and listed off all of the stuff that she'd told me. Terry just sat their shaking his head. It was very obvious at this point that his gut feeling was correct. Something was not right. No one would call him back, because they didn't want to tell us that they weren't giving us the car back. They were making excuses after excuses and asking for us to jump through hoops that there was no way that we could jump through. So we sat down and wrote out a very nice email saying that we thought at this time that they just needed to keep the car, and sell it to someone that could buy it outright. Here's the email:

Mrs. and Mr.,

After Angie talked to Lori tonight, we are understanding from what Lori said that you are concerned about:
1. Terry not taking care of the car....oil change, dent on door, and tires
2. Liability issues

The week that Terry took the car, we had a crack repaired that was in the windshield. When we had the oil changed, they said that the transmission fluid was filthy, so we had the transmission serviced as well. If you would like copies of all of the paperwork, we have receipts of all of the work we have had done on the car and can get the copies to you. It was said that it was 10,000 miles past due, but this is not correct. The oil was changed with synthetic oil less than 3 months ago. The mark on the door was there when we received the car, but we weren't concerned, because we knew we were purchasing a used car.

We feel like we have done the best we can to take care of the car that we thought we were buying. We have done everything in good faith. We feel like it's just best for us to go ahead and seek other means of transportation at this time so that you can sell the car outright to someone. We should have put everything in writing from the beginning so that everything would have been more clear.

Angie and Terry Barnes, Jr.

I got back a reply that completely blew me away...I hadn't been a friend to this person, and obviously I was a horrible person, and kiss my butt, and you suck, and God is going to punish you for everything...yeah that was the gist of his letter. I sat and cried for hours. How could someone say these things? I am one of the only people she has left in her life. Her family and friends have all abandoned her because of her husband, and I have stood by her side through everything?! Well, I guess I can see why now. My feelings are so hurt. Why is this happening? Am I a bad friend?

well, thankfully we have a borrowed car from Terry's dad that we can borrow as long as we need. It's a gas sucker, but it's 4 wheels that get me to and from where I need to be. I have to roll down the window to open the door, but I don't mind. I appreciate what I have and that is what I think is important. Time to start praying for another car. Terry is driving my van that we were gifted by God.

I don't know what to do. I don't know that this friendship can be salvaged. I'm so hurt by the response that we got. How can someone be so blind to what they are saying? I'm just blown away. My feelings are hurt. I'm disappointed.