A friend loveth at all times

Today I had a light bulb moment. It doesn't seem that it would be such a big thing...but it was to me.

I had a friend over for lunch today. We've been slowly getting to know one another, and I was so excited. As we've talked more and more, I realized that I really liked her personality, and I think we are going to be friends for a long time. While we were talking, I had the sudden urge to tell her something. It was like one of those...just so you know what you are getting into moments. Just so you know, I've been sick for a long time. I don't see it changing anytime soon, so run now if you need to? I told her(natalie!), I don't want people to feel sorry for me. It's like when I talk about being sick, it's kind of like other people talk about their kids getting on the bus. It's just part of my life. I need my friends to make me laugh and be silly about it. I don't need someone to feel bad. Of course, sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on. It's not like I sit and feel sorry for myself, and I don't want people to think that I'm needy.
I guess this stems from when I was sick a few years ago, I lost all of my friends but the ones that truly mattered. When you go through hard times, you realize very quickly who your friends are and who is just around for the fun. A friend loveth at all times....just not the times that you are lovable! I've learned that I don't want to "piddle" around with people trying to see if they are going to stick. I want real friends. Friends like Lucinda and Rachel that have been my rock and my laughter when I was sitting on sinking sand. These are things that I've known.
My light bulb moment came when I went to church afterwards. I was sitting around several people that I know but not really all the way. So many people ask me these days, "so how are you feeling?" Sometimes I hate answering, because you know, it just kinda stays the same. How am I really feeling?? Do you want to know if I'm hurting or if it's a pain free day? Do you want to know if I'm happy or sad? Do you just want to hear me say ok or fine? What do you really want to know? I don't want to sound pessimistic in all this, and I am so thankful for all of the prayers.
My answer tonight was "ok". Someone said...no really, HOW ARE YOU FEELING? I answered....well, on a 1 to 3 scale...I'm a 2. I'm happy, I'm learning, and I'm trusting in God. The light bulb was that these people were not just asking like it was the weather. They didn't just want to hear OK...they really wanted to know. We've found a church that exceeds all expectations of a church. People really do care, and they mean what they say. What an awesome wonderful feeling! Seriously. I laughed a little, cried a little, and felt way better about what is going on when I walked out of that church door. My life is not surrounded with people that are just "there" anymore. My life is surrounded by people that care, that will most likely love me through the ugly, and that are full of well...Grace.
I didn't ever have to give natalie a warning...I think she already knew. I think that I already knew as well, that she knows me well enough to know I'm not a wallower. I don't know if this all made sense, but it was on my mind. I've thought about going back and editing it, but I'm not going to...it's my real thought process! <3 to you